Prayer Hindered by Conflict

Today I'm going to deal with the next important element of successful praying. That is that we pray out of right relationships. This is one aspect of prayer that Christians often tend to overlook. Nevertheless, the Bible has much to say about it. Let's begin in the Sermon on the Mount, which is a kind of charter for Christian living.

“If therefore you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar, and go your way. First, be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.”

Now, of course, that's couched in the terminology of Old Testament sacrifices, but it has an application in the New Testament. We don't go normally to a literal altar, but we go to God's presence and we kneel there. And so Jesus is saying, if you're on your way to pray to God and you suddenly remember on your way that your brother has something against you, that there's something you've done that has wounded or offended or harmed your fellow believer, and you haven't been to him about it, and you haven't put it right, then Jesus says, leave your offering there before the altar, and your offering includes your prayer.

Don't go on praying, but go back to your brother first, put the matter right with him, and then come and present your offering, that is your prayer. This clearly indicates to me that we cannot expect God to hear our prayer if we pray out of a wrong relationship with some other believer. If we want our prayer to be heard, first of all, we've got to go back to that other believer and put that relationship right. Now, I've proved that in my own experience more than once. I've seen how as I was seeking God in prayer, the Holy Spirit would bring to my conscience something that I'd said or done, and I had to go back and put that right.

I remember many years ago, one of our daughters, when she was about 12 years old, did something that annoyed me, and I scolded her. But I got unreasonably angry, and I went far beyond what her offense justified. And I remember for the next 24 hours, every time I tried to pray, all I could think about was what I'd said to my daughter. And eventually, I had to humble myself and go to my own daughter and say, "I'm sorry I got so angry with you. It really wasn't justified. Please forgive me." And after that, I had such wonderful liberty in prayer. So remember, don't come with your gift to God's altar if there's something between you and one of your fellow believers. It could well be a member of your own family.

Paul brings out the same point in 1 Timothy chapter 2 and verse 8, speaking about prayer. He says,

“Therefore I want the men in every place to pray, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and dissension.”

Notice two requirements. First of all, that we lift up holy hands. The word holy indicates that our hands have not been stained or corrupted by evil acts or practices, that our daily living and the way we earn our living is something that's acceptable to God.

But then Paul goes on to speak about our relationships. He says, “without wrath and dissension,” without anger, without quarreling, without strife. One thing I'll tell you, it's very hard to pray the kind of prayer that God will answer out of a home that's full of quarreling and strife, or out of a church that's full of quarreling and strife. Alas, too many times there's so much wrath and dissension, even in churches, even amongst the members of the church board. And then they turn to God and they pray, but nothing happens in answer to their prayer. Because Paul says, first of all, we've got to put away wrath and dissension. We've got to pray out of peacefulness and right relations, reconciliation, and harmony.

In 1 Peter chapter 3 verse 7, this is applied specifically to the husband-wife relationship. Peter says,

“You husbands, likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman. And grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

Notice, if there's a wrong relationship between husband and wife, it's very possible that their prayers will be hindered. God will not move in answer to their prayers until that relationship has been adjusted.

And primarily, God puts the responsibility upon the husband to do it. He says, “live with your wives in an understanding way. Remember the wife is a weaker vessel.” Now in the world, when people meet somebody weak, they tend to treat them with contempt or to keep them under or to suppress them. But the spirit of the gospel is totally different. Paul says, just because she's a weaker vessel, grant her that much more honor. And remember that she's a fellow heir of the grace of life, a co-heir.

As I understand it, according to the law that applied in those days, if two people were co-heirs of a certain inheritance, neither of them could claim the inheritance apart from the other. And I believe that's how it is when a husband and wife are both Christians. They have a wonderful inheritance in God which is theirs to claim, but neither of them can claim it apart from the other. Each of them is dependent upon the other to enter into the inheritance. That means they've got to claim it out of a right relationship with one another.

How are we going to achieve this kind of right relationship that I'm speaking about? I believe one key word is the word forgive. So many times the first thing we have to do in coming to God is practice forgiveness of other people. This is built right into the Lord's Prayer, that pattern prayer for all of us as Christians. Matthew 6:12, Jesus tells us to pray this way:

“Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.”

Notice, we are not entitled to claim from God forgiveness above the proportion in which we have forgiven our fellow human beings. If we have totally forgiven all others, we can claim total forgiveness from God. But if there are some whom we have not forgiven, or there are some things we have not forgiven, then we cannot claim full forgiveness from God. And as long as we do not have full forgiveness from God, there may be much that will hinder our prayers.

Now in the prayer itself, Jesus speaks about debts and debtors. But when he comments on that prayer, a few verses further on in Matthew 6 verses 14 and 15, he says this:

“For if you forgive men for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.”

So debts include but go beyond merely financial debts. They include all the various obligations of our lives. If somebody has been obligated to us and failed to carry out that obligation and we do not forgive them, if in some way or other they've transgressed against us, but we hold that against them, then our Father also does not forgive us our transgressions, and so we cannot come to him with a clear conscience and a full assurance of faith to receive the answer to our prayers.

Now, upon whom does God place the obligation to forgive? He places it upon the one who's going to pray. You may say, "Well, I want to pray and I know I have resentment against others, and if they would come to me and ask me for forgiveness, I would forgive them." But that's not how it works. You have to forgive them even if they don't come to you, even if they don't acknowledge that they've offended you. If you want God to answer your prayers, you have to begin by forgiving those people.